While I kept silence

Daily Worship

James Cathcart

March 05, 2025

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Psalm 32 (NRSVA)

1

Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.

2

Happy are those to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

3

While I kept silence, my body wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.

4

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up[a] as by the heat of summer.Selah

5

Then I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’,
    and you forgave the guilt of my sin.Selah

6

Therefore let all who are faithful
    offer prayer to you;
at a time of distress,[b] the rush of mighty waters
    shall not reach them.

7

You are a hiding-place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with glad cries of deliverance.Selah

8

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

9

Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
    whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle,
    else it will not stay near you.

10

Many are the torments of the wicked,
    but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the Lord.

11

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous,
    and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

When we suffer physically, emotionally, or spiritually our breathing is affected — showing ourselves and others that something isn’t right. This Ash Wednesday, as Lent begins, we remember that our breath expresses so much of our inner world without words.

There’s a haunting phrase in Psalm 32:

“While I kept silence, my body wasted away
through my groaning all day long.”

I wrote this piece, ‘When I kept silence’ in response:

While I kept silence, I found myself drifting,
all through the night.

While I kept silence, I grew strange in the mirror
and minutes grew longer while days went quicker.

While I kept silence, I felt alone and untethered
waking, early and often.

While I kept silence, I felt weak and moving was daunting
most days, while restlessness returned at night.

While I kept silence, I lost track and perspective
despite all day trying to pay attention.

While I kept silence, I forgot to turn outwards,
and so for weeks I turned inwards.

When I left silence, I found myself, just where I’d left myself
from night until morning.

When I left silence, I grew more familiar to myself,
as minutes quickened and the days contentedly slowed.

When I left silence, I felt more together, more part of something,
waking more easily and deliberately.

When I left silence, I felt an irrepressible urge to move
most days, while resting more each night.

When I left silence, I began to keep track, keep perspective
without having to concentrate all day.

When I left silence, I remembered to turn outwards and upwards,
and for weeks now that’s what I’ve done.

I kept silence.

I left silence.

Prayer:

Lord of All Breath,

Keep us when we are keeping silence,

keep us together

keep us close

and keep us

as we leave silence

keep us together

and keep us close.

Amen.